Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt betrayed? The person whom you loved from the bottom of your heart left you for someone else?
It takes a lot of courage to open your heart and soul to someone and be vulnerable. Getting heartbroken and feeling abandoned by the person you envisioned your life with can be devastating. The excruciating pain and anxiety feel never-ending. You nurtured the relationship for a long time, and now it is suddenly dead because they found someone else- new and shiny.
Rejection by loved ones hurt.
When your loved one rejects and replaces you because they found someone else can break your heart into a thousand and more pieces. According to a study, the heartbreak due to rejection feels the worst.
Let me tell you a story of the most beautiful flower in the world-
One morning, a student curiously asked his teacher- “How do I find my soulmate?”
The teacher instructed the student to find the most beautiful flower in the vast garden spread across ten acres.
The only condition was that the student could only walk forward and was not allowed to turn back. The student returned empty-handed after three hours.
The teacher quipped, “Why didn’t you bring the most beautiful flower?”
The student said nervously, “Because I wanted to pick the most magnificent flower. I did find a beautiful flower on my way, but then I wondered if there were any better ones ahead? I continued walking and reached the end of the garden. Since I was not allowed to turn back, I returned without getting any flower”.
From the student’s point of view, he thought, why settle with a good flower when there can be more beautiful, colorful, and fragrant flowers ahead?
How did the flower who got rejected feel?
Not good enough – worthless – lesser than other flowers.
It shook the confidence and self-esteem of the flower. The flower felt inadequate, a failure, and destined to a life of meaningless existence.
And the Worst Part of being rejected?
To justify leaving the flower for the possibility of better flowers ahead, the student had to pinpoint all the negative things about the flower. He had to twist the reality to make himself believe in the flower’s bad aspects and perceived deficiencies. These were things that the rejected flower naturally had no control over. Because without feeling negative about the flower in hand, the student couldn’t justify his desire to move forward to other shiny flowers.
The beautiful flower at that time didn’t know that with such an attitude, the student was bound to reject all flowers that would come along his way, no matter how great they were. Alas, the student had to return empty-handed.
The feeling of being Replaced after Breakup
Feeling rejected by loved ones’ can trigger shame and exclusion anxiety, severely affecting our sense of belonging. The horror of getting replaced, fear of abandonment, and betrayal can paralyze us. It makes us feel like a disposable and easily replaceable commodities.
When in a relationship, you give away your heart, precious time, and emotional stock. You give it all you have. This is the most vulnerable thing to do. You are in a child-like state and want to offer your world to another person. This selfless act drains you of all your love and light. You want to give so much but only to someone who will receive it and reciprocate it. You want to share your life, dreams, happiness, and sorrows with this person.
The thing that makes your heartbreak is not just because of being replaced and rejected in love. The hurt goes deeper than that. It’s like taking everything you have to offer and just walking away with someone else.
You are left feeling stripped of all your humanity. It’s an irreversible feeling. You are left wondering, “How long would it take to gather up all those broken pieces of heart again?”, “How painful would it be to go through the same thing again?”. It shakes your confidence and trust in humanity.
Self-care after heartbreak is important.
This is the core reason self-care is very important after the breakup.
You have to remind yourself that you are an amazing person who is gracious, funny, smart, and good-natured. Believe in yourself and your ability to shine. There is a beautiful future awaiting you, full of adventures and people who would love you for the awesome person you are.
It’s important to love yourself and be the happy person you wish someone would fall in love with. Above all, look forward to being with someone who loves you and cherishes every moment they spend with you.
And when the flower is found…
The next day, the teacher asked the student to return to the garden and bring the most beautiful flower. This time the condition was to pick the first beautiful flower the student came across in the garden.
The student happily came back with a beautiful flower in his hands.
The teacher exclaimed, “This is how you can find your soulmate.”
The feeling of love is amazing. Many people come and go in our lives, loving us and enriching our experience in unique ways they can. No one is perfect.
The search for a soulmate who fits our checklist to the Tee leads us on a path from which we can’t turn back. We inadvertently leave behind many wonderful people who could have been our soulmates as we progress through life.
The feeling of the honeymoon phase evaporates. Wanting to have the adrenaline rush of meeting someone new and falling in love again or having an affair seems alluring. However, that is not the path to finding someone who you can truly call your soulmate.
You can’t have it all in one person. To be in a happy and committed relationship, some give and take, sweet and bitter moments need to be lived and shared. You learn to fall in love over and over again with the same person who is always there for you, loves you, respects you, and cares for you. That’s how you grow old, hand in hand with your partner in a healthy relationship.
Hunaid Germanwala is an INTP Author and digital marketing specialist whose mind is always buzzing with creative ideas. Hunaid graduated with a Masters Degree from Ulm University in Germany and has been working as a digital marketing professional since 2014. His motto in life is “Better to Light the Candle than to Curse the Darkness.”