Keeping in touch with your ex after the breakup can be messy. There are unavoidable circumstances such as common friends or other legal reasons due to which not seeing each other is not an option. Whenever your ex will come in front of you, they would trigger the pain in your broken heart. This is why it is not advisable to keep in touch with your ex after breakup, at least till the time your heart isn’t healed. The feelings don’t go away easily if you were deeply connected to this person, who is now a stranger. It is natural to have a grudge after the end of the relationship, especially if cheating is involved. All your efforts and sacrifices went in vain. It can be stressful. You would always be in fight or flight mode whenever you come in contact with your ex. However, through mutual respect it is possible to maintain cordial relationship with your ex.
Here are 7 tips to deal with your ex after breakup
What Is Your Goal? Define it and stick to it
If your goal is to keep harmony in your group of mutual friends, it is best to act cordially in public. The same applies to situations where you need to interact due to legal or other unavoidable circumstances. Acknowledge and greet politely. Take the high road. Any outburst or drama in public place would ultimately benefit your ex and cast you in bad light. Your goal to maintain harmony will only work if your ex meets you halfway through in this shared goal. Of course you can’t be in the same room with someone that has a bone to pick with you. If this is the case then there is no option but to just cut your ex off permanently.
Do Mutual Friends Matter?
Though it is advisable to spend some time alone to heal, don’t cut-off your mutual friends and acquaintances completely. It would do no good to ask them to choose between you and your ex-partner. Putting such conditions would harm your friendship with other people. Instead let them make their own opinions. Understand your goal and act accordingly.
Dangers of Badmouthing Your Ex
After the breakup channelize your energy into positive aspects of life. Enjoy your hobbies, motivate yourself, indulge in mindfulness and most importantly avoid any negativity. Badmouthing your ex would pull you back into negative feedback loop, where you would feel inadequate, doubt your self-worth and then seek external validation from people to avoid those negative feelings. Badmouthing your ex won’t give your any benefit. People might echo back what you want to hear to console you momentarily, but if happens over and over again they will get tired of it. Don’t lose friends, but make some more by surrounding yourself with positive energy and being the awesome person that you are.
Stop Overthinking About Ex-Partner
Don’t overthink or care about what your ex is doing or going to do. Block them from all social media apps and don’t stalk them online. It would only increase your stress level. Remember, that opposite of love is apathy. You should be apathetic to life of your ex. Display of anger and hatred towards your ex would actually prolong the time needed to get over the relationship. Being indifferent to your ex is not easy if you two keep bumping into each other. But with time you must learn to emotionally distance yourself from your ex.
Danger Zone of Physical Touch
Avoid one on one meeting and physical touch with your ex at all times. A manipulative ex can easily take advantage of these weak moments to crawl back into your life or even worse rub salt on your wound with nasty comments or evil actions. Say no and prepare ahead for any eventuality where you would be alone with your ex.
Not to Show off
People act tough to hide their weakness. But their act to show off or act tough is open for everyone to see. You don’t have to act tough around your ex, nor do you need to stage a fake act to show how better your life is after breakup. Instead take concrete actions to actually make your life better. When you are truly happy, your ex won’t matter to you. Let your indifference speak for itself.
Necessity of Self-Dependence
It is very important to be self-dependent in all the areas of our life. We often rely on others for emotional, social, mental and financial support. The over dependency on others for our basic needs, expose us to exploitation. Keep learning new skills and have a good support system of friends, family or social groups to avoid over dependency on one person. Being self-dependent is not only attractive, but it also helps us to overcome toxic relationships with people who were taking advantage of our weakness.
It’s time to take the tainted rose colored glasses off
When we are in the relationship, we often form mental biases. As a result, we overlook the bad aspects and glaring deficiencies in the relationship. In such a case we tolerate so much of inappropriate behavior which we wouldn’t have from a stranger. We feel taken for granted and are unable to reach our true potential in toxic relationships. Once the relationship is over, you can focus on self-development and fall in love with someone who truly deserves you.