How to open up to your Spouse

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spouse relations

Opening up to your spouse is easy. You just sit down with your spouse and have an open communication about your relationship. Talk about each other’s strengths and vulnerability. This article is not about what to do and how to get your spouse to open up to you. It is about what happens after you open them up. What to open up and what not to open up. Some things are better left unsaid.

They say communication is the key to happy relationship and marriage. But is it truly so? If that was true we would see happy couples around us everywhere and virtually no divorces. The essence of happy marriage is not communication but respect. Yes, respect. Do all the communication you want, but if either one of the partner looses respect for other. The marriage is doomed.

Liking is not love. You can like a friend for being there for you, but you might not love that friend. Attraction is love. To love someone you must be attracted to that person first. Attraction- physical and emotional. You can’t be attracted to someone you don’t respect. Never open up to your spouse in a way that they lose respect for you. Never share anything that generates disrespect towards you.

I had a huge crush on Bruce Wills back in high school. When I saw him crying like a baby in friends for me it was not funny or sexy but downright repugnant. I can empathize with Rachel on this one!

man cry

Gentlemen- Don’t show your wife that you’re broken when she thinks you’re an unmovable rock. The captain of the ship. Tell your wife- Winter is coming and I’m ready for it.

Ladies- Playing damsel in distress is cute. But, it gets old very soon. Weakness and neediness is unattractive irrespective of gender. Also, don’t force your man to reveal his vulnerabilities beyond he is comfortable with. You want to look up to your man. It’s okay if your man is being challenged. You don’t want to know that he is weak and directionless. Avoid situations where you might lose respect for him. You don’t want the dreadful conversation along the lines of I love you but I am not in love with you!

Something is bothering you at work? You are being treated badly? You are being a pushover? butt of jokes? Go talk to your HR. Start looking for another job where you are treated with respect. What about sharing the issue with your spouse? Do it. Say, you are having hard time at work, but you have got it under control. Opening up to your spouse about your fears and insecurities is good. However don’t tell your spouse that you are weak and defeated person. You don’t know what you are doing with your life. You have lost the battle. Don’t say you are buckling under the shitty stresses of life. Just share the unpleasant circumstances and say you are trying to make the life better and things will be fine.

Something hurt you in the past? You got cheated on. Got bullied? Tell your spouse how you overcame the situation with your strength. Tell them how you joined the fitness club and learnt karate and Taekwondo. Your spouse will gain tremendous respect for you. Strategically “open up” it will for sure help you.

Everyone goes through hard time in their life. It’s not about the challenges you faced in your life, but how you overcame them. Spin the story and make it positive. Fears, vulnerability and insecurity don’t define you. How you overcame these negative emotions and won inspite of those hurdles defines you. Strength is always respected.