Relationships are tough. Falling in love is easier, staying in love is difficult. It takes a lot of courage to open your heart for your partner. Getting cheated on by the person you loved from the bottom of your heart can be devastating. The pain after getting cheated on can be so excruciating that you can’t help but ask yourself “Will I be ever be able to laugh again?”. With time the pain subsides but the scars remain.
There are few signs that can warn about the impending doom of your relationship. If you and your partner really have the desire to be together and fall in love with each other all over again, understanding the reasons for downward spiral of the relationship can help.
Below are the five common reasons that lead to infidelity-
Your relationship has lost the spark
After the honeymoon period is over and daily routine sets in, it becomes crucial to maintain the attraction for each other. Remember the butterflies in the stomach feeling you used to feel at the sight and thought of your partner? Well don’t let those butterflies die. Be the 5 shots of vodka for each other. Once the fire in the heart dies down, it becomes difficult to re-ignite. Keeping the sparks flying in the relationship is difficult but not impossible.
You have let yourself go
It is said that ‘The Lion is the most handsome when hunting’. Seduction is not something which needs to be done only in the initial phase of relationship. This can’t be stressed enough. When your partner fell in love with you a part of the reason could be they liked the deal. The deal was to have you in their life as the handsome man or a beautiful woman they met. It is your responsibility to maintain that deal by eating healthy and following a healthy lifestyle. Yes, humans can be shallow, but attraction can’t be negotiated.
You are just too nice
A lot of people wonder why their partner cheated on them when everything was good and they did everything right. Being a pushover is not sexy. It should not be confused with being abusive, but by maintaining healthy give and take in the relationship. Stand your ground for the things that matters for you. It boils down to commanding respect. Strike balance between the urge to being liked and being respected. Being nice is good, but being nice out of fear of losing the partner or due to inferiority complex or any other reason that makes you desperate is not. Be nice from a position of strength not weakness.
There is no mystery
New is exciting. When someone is new, we tend to subconsciously fill the unknown parts of their personality with the positive traits we desire. Once we get to know the person in and out, they become predictable and boring. Know how to be mysterious and keep a part of your life which is just for you. Shared hobbies and penchant to try new things keeps the relationship from getting boring.
Once a cheater-always a cheater is true and time tested method to know the future behavior of your partner. Having multiple partners inevitably makes pair-bonding difficult. The past history and partner count of your other half does matter. It can help you ascertaining their capability of being faithful and committed in long term relationship.
10 Warning Signs That Your Partner Is Cheating On You
Secrecy with Smartphones
When your partner becomes excessively secretive and would throw a tantrum even if you touch their phone, you know there is something they don’t want you to see. The phone is heavily guarded with application locks and is never left unattended. The messages and pictures are deleted frequently. The strange behavior whenever a message appears on the screen or a random call is received is a dead giveaway.
Your Validation Doesn’t Matter
Remember the time when you told them how good they look and it made their day? Now, your attention, appreciation, validation and point of view don’t matter. Your calls and text would go unanswered for hours. They would rather like the attention from complete strangers. In worst case they would be mad at you for giving them too much attention, accuse you of being clingy and ask for space.
Weird Behavior from Family/Friends
When your partner is cheating on you, they are essentially making space in their life for that someone new. They would want to try and squeeze you out of their life without creating much drama. To that end they will already prep their family and friends by giving misleading information about your relationship. If you sense strange behavior by their family and friends, have an open conversation.
Lying is obvious sign of infidelity. Cheating partners are often caught lying about their whereabouts. The regular schedules change, they make excuses like a work project, family issue or a night out with some friend to make time for that someone new. If your partner disappears for hours or days without concern or a proper explanation, they are probably cheating.
Suddenly they will become more conscious about their looks, would buy new clothes, perfume and shoes. Their finances take a sudden dip due to the entire extravaganza. But they are not buying the new stuff to impress or please you. Rather you would find them wearing new clothes on outings that don’t involve you. Another evident sign is you catching them regularly mowing down the lawn and cleaning the bushes from down under. Clearly they are expecting visitors.
Lost Sexual Desire
Reduced physical attraction and intimacy can be both symptom and cause of infidelity. If you are facing dead bedroom like situation, it is no wonder something is seriously wrong with the relationship. If it is not you, it is someone else who is there to fulfill the urge. There are times when you feel like just a friend who is good for emotional support but nothing more than that. When all your efforts to spice up the bedroom fail, you know the relationship has reached dead end.
If your partner wants to discuss about open-relationship, it is sure they are about to cheat or are already cheating. They already have someone in their mind. It is just that they want to make the relationship officially open to reduce the guilt of cheating. This is obvious that there is something they need from you which is stopping them from leaving you completely. It can be money, stability or social status. The fact that your partner does not find you sexually attractive anymore can be disheartening. It is time to leave the relationship with dignity.
Want to Create Distance
It feels weird when your partner forces you to take a job or any activity that would affectively take you miles away from them. They themself might take up a new job or take up a hobby which requires them to stay away from you for an extended period of time. They would not meet you daily anymore, but once a week or month. It is not difficult to spot the writing on the wall.
No Future Talk
This is the dead giveaway of failing relationship. There is no future talks and plans where both of you are together. No plans for date nights, weekends or vacations. When your partner has already made up their mind and don’t see themselves with you in the future, there seems to be no need of any future talk.
You are no longer their priority. They would cancel the dinner night plan with you, to be at the birthday party of the distance relative of their colleague who they barely know. Going to swimming pool would become more important than to care about your sickness or take you to hospital. Your gut feeling is often right when someone makes you feel unwanted and make you least of their priority.
Emily is an INFP who believes that people should always live their lives to the fullest everyday. She loves her dog JiJi. Emily has graduated from University of Michigan and is a passionate relationship blogger who is looking forward to her career as relationship and dating coach. She is an avid book reader with special liking for romance, horror and sci-fi genre. You can find her on Tumbler.